Ready, Set...VOTE!

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend your ears- because it's time to VOTE!

That's right, it's Tuesday, November 4th, and it's time for the midterm elections. If you think the only important/exciting elections are the ones that determine who's sitting in that comfy leather chair in the Oval Office, think again. Today's elections cover senators, governors, congressmen, and a whole lot of issues, including immigration, the economy, foreign policy, and my favorite- women's rights.

Cute and effective!

Today, your voice matters, possibly more than it ever has before! (Just like when you were a chubby little baby and your mom's and/or dad's heart stopped as you muttered your first word.) That's how much it matters. Do your forefathers proud, and put those hands to good use! Extra points if you dress up as one of our forefathers or a historical figure as you cast your ballot. If all that political activeness doesn't get you riled up, you get an adorable "I voted!" sticker, too. Really, what's not to love?

If you'd like more information on the how, where, and why of today's voting sesh, please visit 

The Skimm's 2014 Election Guide and Rock the Vote. You've got until 7pm to get in line. 

Ready, set......VOTE!

 

Let's Talk About: Brittany Maynard

Hello, dear readers.

Today, I'd like to have a conversation about something a little controversial: Brittany Maynard.

   In case you haven't yet heard about her, she's been in headlines for the past week because she will be voluntarily ending her life on November 1st. This decision was made after Maynard was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer at the age of 29, and given just 6 months to live.
 
   In order to carry out her last wishes, Maynard has uprooted her family from San Francisco, CA to Oregon, one of only 5 states that authorizes death with dignity. Death with dignity is a medical practice in which terminally ill (but mentally competent) patients with 6 months or less to live can request a life-ending medication prescribed by a doctor, which they take when they feel the time is right (you can read more about death with dignity here).

    This story has caused great controversy, and even caused another terminally ill patient, Lara Tippetts, to pen an open letter to Maynard, begging her to reconsider. Much of Tippetts argument/advice is centered around how much of her own strength stems from her Christian beliefs, which is understandable; people often turn to their faith when life presents such devastating circumstances as these. And while I want to believe her words come from an earnest place, I can't help but feel that I'm listening to a sermon or television evangelist as I read them, especially as she mentions the recent release of her book. But hey, maybe I've become too cynical or critical of Christians as a whole.

As for my take on this story, Brittany's situation is her own, and we can comment on it all we like, but it likely won't change her mind. I hardly think this decision comes from a place of weakness- there is no way that this was an easy decision for her to make. What she is doing is ensuring that her loved ones aren't burdened with taking care of someone who is too sick or incoherent to make her own choices. She only wants to suffer to a certain point, and I think that should be her right. Some may call her selfish; I call her brave.

The fact that we can't get around is, it's sad. No matter what we say, whether Brittany chooses to go in a timely manner or wait until her body fails her doesn't change the fact that her family & friends will be devastated. The end result is the same, and as much as we like to judge, none of us truly know what we would do unless we were experiencing this first-hand.

I guess the question this leads me to is: is there a "better" way to die?

Please feel free to voice your opinion on this story in the comments section, and if you'd like to donate to the Brittany Maynard fund, please do so here.

Fall: More Than Just a Costume & Candy

It's October, and that means it's officially the holiday season! In an attempt to hide my exhausting enthusiasm for Christmas (there will be plenty of time for that later), let's chat about my second favorite holiday: Halloween, which is perhaps even more perfect than any other holiday because it occurs in fall, or autumn, if you're feeling ~fancy~. Crunchy, multi-colored leaves, pumpkin-flavored everything, children in costumes -or, better yet, dogs in costumes- football...I mean, what's not to love about fall?!

Like any self-respecting Halloween addict, I've already got my costume picked out, and my friend has agreed to let me dress up her skinny dog as a goat (Annyong, you're gonna look so cute!) Let me know if you find a little stuffed-Quasimodo, because I'm gonna wanna carry that little adorable thing around with me to really drive this costume home.

What's even better about this season though, is that as you get older, there are MORE things to do! When you're a kid, it's all about having a cool costume and competing with your siblings to see who can finagle their way into the most candy while trick-or-treating (Sugar highs! Cavities! YEAH!). You probably didn't give a rat's ass about fall as a season, except when the orange Oreos came out and admit it- you thought they were going to taste differently.

Empty promises, Nabisco.

To celebrate this wonderful season as an adult, I've compiled a list of 5 things I want to do/have already done this season that don't revolve around trick-or-treating:

1. Visit an apple orchard/pumpkin patch. Apple cider, donuts, and getting to pick out your own soon-to-be jack-o-lantern, all while enjoying the crisp fall air?! Count me in.

2. Try out new ciders (or better yet, Chicago's first cider bar). Apple, peach, pear- fall is better when you've got something fruity and alcoholic in your hand.

3. Roll up those sleeves, slap on that apron you forgot you had, and make your own pumpkin bread, like the Betty Crocker you were born to be.
Though I'm not much of a cook, I can attest that when it comes to baking, I can make some pretty delectable sweet treats.

4. Visit a haunted house- willingly or unwillingly. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a straight up scaredy-cat. In the Rugrats of life, I'm Chuckie, always saying "Guysssss, I don't think that's such a good idea!!! Can we go home now???" But screaming your brains out and digging your terrified little fingernails into your best friend's arm while wandering through a perfectly timed nightmare is a right of passage. Plus, once you make it through, you'll feel like a total badass.

5. Re-watch some of your favorite Halloween movies, but specifically Hocus Pocus. Because long before Beyonce taught us how to be flawless, the Sanderson sisters taught us how to be wickedly fierce.

I woke up (from the dead) like this!

  
What are you planning to do this fall??? Let me know in the comments!

Your Server Isn't Your Servant

You shouldn't yell at your barista, or server, or anyone who is serving you.

As someone with a number of friends in the industry, as well as a combined 3 years of personal experience as a hostess/waitress, I'd like to think that even though I no longer slave away delivering hot plates of deliciousness, I can recall on that experience and treat my server/barista/whomever in a polite and professional manner.

Earlier this week, I experienced someone who failed (with flying colors!) to adhere to this practice while getting coffee, and it utterly irked me. While I won't go into detail about the unfortunate encounter, I will ask this: how, in 2014, can people still feel that they have a right to be rude to someone just because it's their job to make, serve, or deliver? What makes you think this?  Is it because you work a "real" job with a desk and extension number?

Since it looks like we could all use a little refresher in Human Compassion 101, allow me to give you 5 reasons not to treat your service industry employee like crap.

Reason #1: Feet.

They've probably been on their feet for about 5 hours, and when the dogs are barkin', it'd be cool if the people weren't hollerin'.

Reason #2: Power.

Oh, did you think that you were in control of this situation? HAH. Guess again. That person is handling something that you're hoping to consume, so I suggest you be nice to them. Haven't you seen the movie Waiting? (<<< This link is not for the weak-of-stomach nor faint-of-heart!)

Reason #3: Humans Aren't Robots.

We all make mistakes. Forgetting to order your cheese on the side instead of on the salad isn't a crime. It's an accident, and it's bound to happen. As an added bonus, learning to forgive and not sweat the small stuff is good for your health!

Reason #4: The Customer Isn't Always Right.

Sorry, but the age-old mantra that managers have been feeding their employees is a load of badger poo and should be avoided accordingly. What happens when a customer enters a place of business and walks out with a bag of stuff or a belly full of food is an age-old tradition- an exchange of goods and services for money. What used to be treated as a business transaction between two equals has turned into a game where suppliers work their asses off to please the demands of customers, and the customers decide whether or not they're going to behave respectfully and professionally. If you've ever worked in fine dining, I'm sure you know this to be especially true. I know from experience that the customer isn't always right; in fact, as in the case where a perceivably wealthy older man decided it was his right to put his hand on me because I was a young, smiling hostess, the customer can be frustratingly, offensively wrong.

While your server might be working for you at the moment, they do not, per se, work for you. They are not your property or your pet, so don't touch them.

Reason #5: They're Somebody's Someone.

The next time you start to become frustrated with a barista or server, remember that they are a person, just like you. Just as you are a mother or sister or brother or son, they are also a mother, sister, brother, or son. If someone treated your daughter the way you're treating that teenager behind the counter, I guarantee you'd have a problem with it.  

My purpose in writing this post is to ask us all to recall a time in our lives- whether it was 10 years ago, last month, or yesterday- when someone showed us a little human compassion. Do you have that moment in your mind? Do you remember not feeling like badger poo? Good. Now let's pay it forward and see to it that someone else we cross paths with gets to feel that way too.

The Importance of Being a Karaoke Queen

I am a self-proclaimed karaoke queen.

Since the day I turned 21, I have been drawn to those bars with good song selections, thirst-quenching beverages, and small stages cast in neon light (there was once a video of that first inebriated performance, which I assure you has been conveniently lost, never to be found and ultimately used against me as social blackmail.)

There is something about karaoke that feels inherently familiar to me. Is it a throwback to my high school years spent in musicals? Perhaps. Is it the sensation akin to singing at the top of my lungs in one of my frequently too-long showers? Probably. The closest feeling I can use as to describe what this this adrenaline-pumping activity gives me is: fearlessness.

On that stage, for a few fleeting minutes, I am fearless. I am an entertainer. I AM CHER IN HER PRIME. I AM PRE-KFED BRITNEY. I don't understand other people's reactions when I suggest hitting up a tacky karaoke joint at some point in the night. The grimace, the quick head shake, the "no no, that's not for me- I'll just watch." What prompts this automatic refusal of fun? Surely, not everyone who says that can hate FUN?! What’s next, hating pizza?! If you hate pizza, you hate America (err...Italy, I guess?) and I can’t be seen with you. I’m lactose intolerant and even I love pizza. Everyone loves pizza, ergo everyone should love fun!

If you don’t hate fun -- which, I’m sure you don’t -- then why cringe at the mention of karaoke? My best guess is you’re scared. You’re petrified that people will judge you for having a few cocktails and belting out some Celine Dion to your heart’s desire. But I’ll let you in on a little secret -- they won’t. And if they do, who cares? That’s their problem -- not yours. If they want to criticize others for having fun, they’re already wasting their time and energy on something that doesn’t affect them. So don’t add to the wastefulness by spending an extra second worrying about it.

As the Karaoke Queen, I’d like to bestow upon you some fool-proof guidelines that will ensure you and your comrades enjoy a night of drama-free karaoke:

1. Never pick a song longer than 3 minutes and 30 seconds (No one wants to sit through your rendition of “Stairway to Heaven”- trust me, you’re not Robert Plant, and there’s a line of people waiting to rock out behind you.)

2. Pick a crowd pleaser -- something you and your friends know all the words to. This is how you truly win over the bar crowd as they inevitably begin singing along.
3. Dare to duet. Sure, everyone has heard “Summer Lovin’” thousands of times, but that doesn't make it any less of a classic!

4. HAVE FUN! Throw in a moonwalk, flip your hair, and rock your invisible Gibson through those musical interludes. People have more fun when they see you having fun; after all, isn't that why we’re here?

Follow these four simple rules and I guarantee that one day, we can all be karaoke royalty. P.S. If you like what I have to say about karaoke, make sure to check out Mindy Kaling's "Is Everybody Hanging Out Without Me?"; there's a chapter on karaoke etiquette :)

A Chubby Girl's Guide to Hot Yoga

Step 1: Don't go.

Just kidding- do whatever you want. But let me tell you why I will not be joining you and the other middle-class yuppies who seem to be rushing to these hot yoga studios that are popping up like daisies.

Last week, I ventured to a hot yoga studio in Lincoln Park, Chicago for my first ever Bikram yoga class. I had found a deal online that allowed you to try out different studios and gyms all over the city for a ridiculously cheap price, so I figured 'what the hell- why not?'. I had my pick of yoga studios, dance studios, mixed martial arts, boot camps, and for last weeks session, I chose to indulge in this new hot yoga trend that I've been hearing so much about from all the other white girls (it was in the weekly newsletter, in case you missed it.) So after work, with my gym bag and yoga clothes in tow, I went to hot yoga.

You would think that I would've been able to take some kind of comfort in the fact that I've been irregularly practicing yoga for over 6 months now, but alas, I could not...

...because this.room.was. HOT. We're talking 7th-circle-of-Hell hot. Hawt. First of all, don't be an idiot like me and bring a hand-sized towel just  to wipe the sweat off your brow, because you will look around and instantly realize that you are the only yogi without a full-size towel on top of your mat. Trust me-you'll feel like a newb. I mean, I knew I was gonna sweat, but a FULL SIZED BATH TOWEL?! Imagine my disgust when I looked over at my neighbor and realized that he had an entire puddle surrounding his mat/towel.Yeah, no.....that's gross. Where was all that sweat coming from?!

Unfortunately, I soon found out where from. My legs, my arms, my ass, the small of my back- I at one point even felt like my eyes were sweating (which is actually a very different feeling from crying.) It was everywhere. I chugged water at every chance I got, which wasn't too often, because no one wants to be that guy disturbing everyone's zen while he guzzles down his Aquafina. I couldn't even hold certain poses because my hand couldn't grasp any part of my body.

In addition to the sweat, which I imagine some people (i.e. not me) could get past, our instructor made Miss Trunchbull look like Miss Honey (yes I did just make a Matilda reference, because that Mara Wilson is adorable and so is Danny DeVito.) "Bring your hands UP towards the sky and reach with your chest and arch your back and stand on your tip-toes and tilt your chin up and KEEP THOSE ARMS UP TOWARDS THE HEAVENS AND DON'T YOU DARE THINK ABOUT BRINGING THEM DOWN OR ELSE THE YOGA GODS WILL SHUN YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY." I don't know if you've ever been barked at for 90 sweaty, smelly minutes by someone who is insanely more talented than you, but it is quite disheartening.

After it was over, I left scared, annoyed, and fuming, and not just from the temperature of the room. I was even further from zen than I had been before the class, and isn't that the whole point of yoga??

Follow whatever fitness trend you want; after all, everyone has to find something that works for them. But rest assured- I will not be caught dead in another hot yoga studio. I give it 0.2 stars and a "Absolutely Would Not Recommend Even to My Worst Enemy".

Sappy Girl

It's never been like this before.

I have never been like this before-loving and longing for your eyes, your arms, your touch; counting down the days until I can say something sassy and have that devilish, boyish grin is directed at me.

You exhaust me and yet, I am restless without you.

It was exactly as fast and slow and unexpected and familiar as all of the movies and books had said-I almost laughed at the cliche we had become. All at once you were there, saying everything I had ever wanted and needed to hear, and there I was saying it back, blurting things out before I could even think them through.

Love can be, has been, and will continue to be described in million of different ways, but what I've learned so far, is this:

 You don't have to think about it- it just is, and you just do. If you have to think about it, then you already have your answer.