I Will Survive (hey hey)

I have officially been unemployed for a week.

It's an odd thing to wake up in the morning and not have to rush anywhere. I'm starting to lose track of my days; everyday feels like Saturday. I am living in an endless weekend. I'm watching approximately 7 episodes of Sons of Anarchy per day (which, if you asked, I could talk your ear off about all of the emotional trauma I've endured by watching that show...masochist? Nooo...) while eating poptarts and couscous. I look at jobs online, eat, watch some Netflix, and sometimes nap. Here's a list of additional things I've started doing to fill my days:

1. Cleaning my apartment- like really cleaning it, even getting that crap out from behind the sofa.
2. Writing new arrangements for Miley Cyrus songs and contemplating whether they're good enough to be put up on YouTube (so far, they haven't been, but it's a great stress reliever to create something wonderfully awful.)
3. Attempting to cook.
4. Reconnecting with old friends and family members; this is probably my favorite part so far about being unemployed. Now, I actually have time to talk to my 80-something year old grandma and pick her brain about life and the lessons she's learned along the way. She doesn't always understand why I act/do the things I do, but that's more because of the years between us than anything else. She supports me, and that shouldn't be taken for granted.

It's not a picnic. Leading the charmed, unemployed life means reading endless emails of rejection after rejection. Even after a week, I can feel that it's started to take its toll. On a small scale, I love being busy. I love being productive, and I love working with people, but none of those things are really happening right now. On a much larger scale, it's like I have 5 different, perfectly fulfilling options about where my career could take me, but I have no clue about how to get to any of them. I'm hungry, and not for more poptarts. I want the life I was promised when I first started college- not an easy life, but a life where I feel like I have a chance.

And then I remember I am merely a statistic; 22 and unemployed??? Pfft, I'll let you know when I actually have something earth-shattering to talk about, America.

You Give Me the Giggles

    For some reason I thought that school girl crushes would end once I got out of school. HA. Good one, self. You will have crushes after school ends, and it's because you will start having crushes on your coworkers, or maybe even your supervisor. Instead of checking to see if he's at his locker so you can coincidentally stroll pass and call out an oh-so-casual "hey", you'll be running into him at the water cooler, or reaching for a beer at the same time at company happy hour. You will still blush when he makes eye contact with you, and you will still laugh at his stupid jokes because to you, they'll be witty and fresh. You'll chat about clients, and welcome his advice because he genuinely wants to help. You'll joke about how much your job sucks, but know in your head that he is probably the only thing that makes it worth coming to everyday. 
      You'll fall into a routine of catching the same train, and conversations will turn to subjects more stimulating than work and vacation time. You will ask about each other's weekends, and secretly wish he had texted you to meet up. You will spend half your day emailing each other little jokes, but making it look like work.You will imagine what it's like to hold him, to kiss and touch him. You will feel special when he talks about his family and shows you pictures of his nieces and nephews because you love seeing tiny little morsels of him with everyday that passes. In your head, you will go back and forth a million times about whether or not to make a move. You will kick yourself for chickening out, because this happens every time, even the times you tell yourself will be different. You will wonder if he sees you as more than a coworker/friend, or if you made it all up in your head- every smile, every compliment, every moment.

Then, you will get a new job, and the process will begin again, and if you're lucky, you will giggle and blush as if for the first time.