Sappy Girl

It's never been like this before.

I have never been like this before-loving and longing for your eyes, your arms, your touch; counting down the days until I can say something sassy and have that devilish, boyish grin is directed at me.

You exhaust me and yet, I am restless without you.

It was exactly as fast and slow and unexpected and familiar as all of the movies and books had said-I almost laughed at the cliche we had become. All at once you were there, saying everything I had ever wanted and needed to hear, and there I was saying it back, blurting things out before I could even think them through.

Love can be, has been, and will continue to be described in million of different ways, but what I've learned so far, is this:

 You don't have to think about it- it just is, and you just do. If you have to think about it, then you already have your answer.

Babies and Running and Kale- Oh My!

Some days, I have thoughts and feelings so big and powerful inside of me that at night, when I lay my head down, I'm thankful that I didn't burst at the seams.


1. I'm sorry it's been so long; I've missed you all dearly and promise to never let life get that much in the way of my writing again.
2. Today I went outside without a coat on, and it was glorious.
3. I've started running to train for a 10K in July. That doesn't mean that this will turn into an inspirational workout blog, but if it helps someone else become inspired to run too, so be it.
4. I tried kale, and there is something behind all the fuss about it.
5. I'm becoming more of a beer snob; if you have any IPA's you want me to try, let me know!
6. As a nanny, I've learned that kids really do say the darndest things. Here are a few of my favorites from these past few weeks:

• Me: "How can you be hungry? You just ate."
  Child: "I know, but food makes me happy."
• "Are you gonna tell my mom I was good?"
• "Look! I didn't poop in the tub!"
• Me: "Oh what a great picture of us! Wait, what are those?"
  Child: "Oh, those are your boobies."

6. Sometimes you will go on a date with a charming person, drink fabulous drinks and laugh your butt off at all of their jokes, and still want nothing to do with them, and that is ok.
7. I think I'm finally becoming comfortable with the fact that life is weird and unpredictable and all you can really do is try your best and ride the wave (I don't know when I started using surfing metaphors, but I'm just gonna roll with it.)

Cheers!

Valentine's Day: It's Not Just for Couples and Women Eating Ben & Jerry's Anymore!

It snuck up on us again, folks-

Valentine's Day. This is a holiday in which we're supposed to celebrate with our loving significant others- unless of course, we're single. Lucky for all of us single ladies, lead character on Parks & Recreation (Amy Poehler) has invented Galentine's Day, where women are invited to celebrate the platonic but equally important love they share with their besties, and that's great; I personally teared up on the train on Friday reading the sweetest text message I've ever gotten. The sender was none other than my best friend, Leslie. But the term "Galentine's Day", which is supposed to make single women feel included, is sadly exclusive to females as well. What term includes single men, or trans people? Surely there has to be a better name for the holiday that celebrates everyone and every kind of love...
     The best my tired brain can muster is " Every Day", because if you truly care about someone, they deserve to hear it loudly, and often, and not just when Kay Jewelers commercials remind us to. Hear me out; I promise, it doesn't have to be as cheesy as it sounds. You don't have to go full-blown John Cusack and pop up outside his/her bedroom window blasting romantic music from the boombox on your shoulder (do they even still make those? If not, what's the modern-day equivalent? Who knows...) Showing your love can be done in a million different ways; what's important is that you do it- show your mom, your brother, your sister, your neighbor, your dog, your doctor, your barista- whomever you love, do as Nike tells us and just do it.
     What I also want to mention about this weekend is that yes, I'm single, but I'm not going to shame anyone for being in a relationship. That would be pointless, and basically anti-love. I'm pro-love, so please, more power to you.
        I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day, because that's what you deserve; I know I did.
 

Because Nothing Means Anything.

I need to do something meaningful soon, or I'll go crazy.

I mean it. I'm sick of the Instagram, the Snapchats, the Facebook- the bullshit. Will it matter a year from now? Will I remember anything from the hours of crap that I consumed?

Maybe its the wintery cabin fever talking, or the fact that my roommate is gone for the week and I'm not used to living alone, but I can't shake the feeling that nothing I do means anything. Its the feeling that you could disappear tomorrow, and nothing would change. The world would go on turning, and your entire small, mediocre existence becomes nothing but blip, a number in the system, a grave in the cemetery.
  Maybe it's good to feel small once in a while. I'm always hearing that my generations is self-absorbed and short-sighted; maybe it's good to feel unimportant every now and then, to get knocked down a few pegs. Maybe it's what we need in order to keep ourselves in check. We need to realize that no one really cares what we ate for dinner unless they were eating it with us, or that we can live without taking and sharing selfies everyday.
   
If we put half the energy that we expel on vanity and bullshit into something meaningful, maybe we could actually get something done, instead of documenting every single non-meaningful move we make.


**I realize that this post and entire blog can be seen as another form of bullshit media- trust me, I see the irony. For that reason, I think it's best that I take a Ron Swanson-style camping trip soon and take a step back from the things that are causing me to feel this way.

Bright.

This morning, you asked through sleepy eyes if I wanted you.
From my lips I whispered "yes",
but inside I screamed "always."

A Love Letter

This is a love letter to 32-year-old me.

   Dear 32-year-old Elizabeth,

   Hiya, champ- how are you?? Do people still say champ, or is that like outdated like "bra" and "chief"?

   Anywho, I wanted to write you a love letter, because no matter where you are in life, it's something nice to get, and you can't always wait for someone else to give you something you deserve.
    I hope you are well. I hope you're working, doing whatever it is that makes you happy. I hope it's something that your mom will be proud to talk about when she sends out the family Christmas cards. I hope it's something that gives you enough time to visit your family and makes you wake up in the morning with a sense of pride and purpose; it won't make you smile, because you're probably still not a morning person, but that's okay. Hopefully, whoever you're with will not only accept, but love that about you.
    Which brings me to my next topic- I know it's never been your life goal to be barefoot and pregnant, but I hope you've found someone that can keep up with you and add to your happiness while possibly popping out a few little ones. Your parents might not love him (/her), but I hope they at least like him (/her), because like it or not, their intuitions about men (/people) are pretty spot on. I hope that with them, you feel invincible.
    I hope your grandmas are still alive to see you get married. I hope you kept your pact and went Paris with Sarah like you always dreamed about. I hope Cassie has the kids she's always wanted. I hope your dad and Sue finally tied the knot (and let you be the band/DJ at the reception.) I hope your mom and Terrell went on a hundred more cruises and took advantage of every midnight buffet. I hope Leslie returned safely from her time in the Peace Corps and that you're living close to each other again. I hope you finally have an apartment with a balcony that will let you have a dog bigger than 20 pounds. I hope you finally cut your hair as short as you were too afraid to cut it. I hope you know a 1,000 songs on the guitar. I hope you got your first paid writing gig. I hope you're taking care of your body. I hope you're keeping in touch with the people that matter. I hope you're still taking risks and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and taking what you want instead of asking for it.
      Mostly, I hope you're happy; incredibly, ridiculously, stupidly happy. I love you.

     Sincerely,
     Me

This Is Not A Resolution Post.

This is not a resolution post. This is a look at what I've done in 2013, a reflection on what has happened and how those things may or may not affect my future. If you think nothing has happened to you in the past 365 days, I urge you to try this.

In the year 2013, I:

1. Graduated from a wonderful school.
2. Realized that college doesn't necessarily prepare you for the real world, because it can't; nothing can.
3. Acquired and lost my first "big girl" job.
4. Fell head over heels and, shortly after, experienced my first heartbreak.
5. Realized that you can't live your life for someone else.
6. Found my passion for social change.
7. Bought my first pair of stilettos.
8. For the first time since I moved to Chicago, celebrated with my entire family in the city.
9. Questioned the corporate hierarchy for the first time.
10. Published my first piece of writing.
11. Felt (and feel) that nannies, teachers, and all childcare providers don't get enough credit.
12. Shamelessly gave my number to a bartender, because that's the kind of thing my best friend can convince me to do after only 3 drinks.
13. Got called up onstage at Improv Olympics.
14. Made new friends.
15. Lost old friends.
16. Felt my heart being pulled in a million different directions as vital people in my support system moved away.
17. Directed my first show.
18. Felt inadequate when observing my peers.
19. Learned that everyone must create their own path, and that you can't judge anyone just because their path isn't what you would have chosen for them.
20. Accepted that my life has never-and probably will never-run according to plan.
21. Realized that you must never stop learning or trying, because to stop doing either of those things is the definition of defeat.

There you have it, friends. It may not look like a lot at first, but in retrospect, 2013 was a pivotal transitional year. As far as 2014 is concerned, my only concrete resolution is to post here once a week. Other than that, I resolve to do and to love more and more often.